Unexpected reactions.

I ended (am ending?) today (technically now yesterday) on a surprisingly positive note considering how I was feeling when I got up this morning (technically afternoon). My earlier post and facebook status got a lot more attention than I thought it would and I was overwhelmed with kindness from a few random people sending me consoling messages. When I say random, I mean people that don't even normally talk to me that much. It was so nice to realize that people still silently care about you in the background. I also realized that more people must read this blog than I originally thought would. Then again, I do post every one to facebook. :P

It was funny, I started work today, thinking I wouldn't be able to get through it, and actually found my mood lifting while at work as I interviewed Ontarians about their thoughts on electricity. :P It was ironic, seeing as how I have been getting so much stress just at the thought of doing my job lately. It was funny even. I was stressed out about something not related to work, and it made me like my job. Crazy, huh? Maybe it was just a 'crazy random happenstance' (couldn't resist the Dr. Horrible quote there), but it was still nice to have that happen as opposed to having a crappy day and thus even crappier shift. But my mood was lighter at the end of it, and I was glad that it happened.

The guys were nerding it up in the livingroom after work and at about the same time I got invited over to go watch a movie with someone, so I was like hell, I've been having late night outings this week, why not another one? It was nice to just chill out for a bit. We watched Juno. I had it in my head that it would be a dumb tween movie, but it was actually pretty well done and I enjoyed it. Ironically a part in it kind of reminded me of something that was going through my own head lately. But it was cute and sweet, and exactly what I needed today.

The aforementioned issue from this morning still exists (obviously), but at least I feel better right now. I even was able to laugh at myself this evening, and this time it wasn't the "Holy fuck I'm scared shitless" nervous kind of laugh that you do because your body doesn't know how else to react to something, but more of an "Oh, I'm so silly. The crazy things life throws at us..." laugh that people usually do when they look back at something that was painful at the time in a more lighthearted kind of way.

When I became aware of myself doing it, it was kind of relieving, and I was like, hey, at least I can laugh at myself and that's a nice feeling. But by no means was I 'looking back' at anything, and I knew that, because this is nowhere near over--in fact it's just beginning. And I know that it was a nice moment of positivity, but more emotional moments like the one I had this morning are inevitable because this is a painful experience I am having, and I know I will experience many extreme highs and lows with it.

Anyway, I can always go on and on writing, but it's about time I went to bed because my head is aching a bit. I need sleeeeeep. The sweet comfort of my bed is calling me.

Tata.