It was a beautiful afternoon in Vancouver and I didn't want to go back to Nanaimo. I wanted to just wander the afternoon away and enjoy my surroundings. I wasted a bit of time, and then decided I'd better just head back.
While on the bus I searched my mp3 player for a song that would suit my mood, but didn't really find anything that worked, so I just mindlessly listened and stared off into space.
I got on the ferry and tried not to think about anything. I got up and walked around. Sometimes when I'm listening to music and walking through people it feels like some kind of dramatic scene from a movie, like this: You see someone walking toward you in a busy place, but with a defined space around them (in this case the aisle) separating them from the crowd so that they stand out. They're walking, almost in slow motion, and then they pass, you forget about it and the music fades. I don't know why I always think about that.
Deciding I had nothing to see, I sat back down and narrowed down my music list to a few songs that I decided I liked. I looked outside at the water, then stared into space as I got more absorbed in what I was listening to. I stayed in my seat awhile and became immersed in it. Most of the trip must have gone by as I sat there. I found a moving song to listen to, and then looked outside once again and felt a huge pull toward it.
I went to the door with almost a feeling of determination; I thought it would be cold but I didn't care. I opened the door and walked out. The wind met my face and I drew in a sharp breath as it hit me, but it was an exhilarating feeling. I walked to the front of the ship and felt alive as the wind rushed against me. I quickly decided I needed to go put my hoodie back on, which I had to go inside to do as it was too windy to do it outside. I felt lame interrupting the moment, but I ignored that and went back out.
The sun was dropping and there was a beautiful sheen of sunlight on a strip of ocean. I looked at that sunlit water for most of my time outside. I turned to face different directions to catch each view as we passed it. The wind blew and blew, and my ears began to hurt, but all I could hear was my music and the loud rushing of air...I took in all of my surroundings and I enjoyed it.
My eyes watered, but I had put my sunglasses on to block the bright sun so it wasn't a big deal. I think at one point I let a few tears out--just a few though, as I soon realized I shouldn't have because they promptly turned cold as ice on my face. But the cold was refreshing, and I just let it do it's thing.
I stayed up there and stared at everything until the ship started to dock. I watched the waves crash in front of the boat into the dock, and a part of me wished I could be at the beach right now, having the cold waves crash around me. Frothy ocean has such a beautiful colour to it.
I wished the ride could have gone on a little bit longer so I could have watched everything some more. I reluctantly left the deck to leave the ferry, and the ramp was inconveniently on the opposite side that I was standing on, so I had to wait inside for a while as I waited to be let out.
As I was walking through the terminal again I had that movie scene thing run through my head, only this time it felt like a theatre instead. I felt distanced from the crowd of people around me and was only aware of myself walking, still listening to that song I had now been playing over and over and over. It's a strange feeling when that happens. You're this teeny dot in the universe and everyone is going about their business around you, as if they are only props that God put there to make the scene look interesting.
I exited the terminal and got in a cab, and literally drove off into the sunset.
It felt weird walking into the house, like the moment you walk out of a theatre. The emotions that arose while watching begin to wane as your eyes adjust to the difference in the light and reality.
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Here is what I was listening to.
Bittersweet Sympony - The Verve
(Seriously one of the prettiest songs ever.)
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
Where all the veins meet yeah,
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
From one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
From one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
Where all the things meet, yeah
You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
From one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
No, no, no
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you ever been down?
Man, I love the sound of those violins.
xoxo, Me
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