After being kind of here nor there the last little while, things have changed in my last couple days in Nanaimo.
Today started out pretty rough. I got up, packed the rest of my stuff, which was a fuck of a lot more stuff than I anticipated (going around the house, seeing things and going, 'hey, I should bring that,' or "hey, I forgot about this," and junk like that). So I spent a few hours doing that, then hauling it down to the car, then started freaking out because I was running out of time to get ready to go to the show tonight.
I ended up going into high stress panic mode, as one thing at a time started fucking my schedule over. I was trying to get ready and still have time to hang out with Owen since it would be the last opportunity to before I left. So I was freaking out about that, and still wasn't ready, and anxiety was rising like a motherfucker. That word may not have worked in context there, but I'm not going to change it, because it sums it up well.
Then FINALLY we got out of the house and, surprise, surprise....(or not)...the car decides this would be the day it doesn't want to start. Shit. Then I freaked out more and started to cry, but had to tilt my head back all the way so as to not fuck up all the makeup I just did. Oh, and did I mention I woke up with a fucked over stiff spine this morning and every other movement I made was like, Ow, shit. Aaaaanyway...
So I was determined to go out and have a nice dinner with Owen, so we caught a cab to White Spot, which I figured would be the nicest place to go without wasting a lot of time. Then we finally get there and it's fucking packed (I later discovered it was Prom night...go figure!). Thankfully we didn't have to wait long to be seated. I was about to have a caniption at this point and called Melissa to let her know I was still alive, and coming and also to figure out where I was going since I forgot to go get the address from home.
I then spent half the time we were there in the bathroom trying to fix my false eyelashes, which were poking me to death every time I blinked and was about to drive my high stress mood into a full-on murderous rage. After about five attempts I finally fixed it. I felt bad for Owen for having spent so little time with him and profusely apologized. I ordered a salad (the thing I could eat the fastest...it was the first time in like, forever that I didn't take like half an hour to decide what I wanted). Anyhoo, I pretty much inhaled the salad as I was too concerned about being late to think of anything else. I must have looked like I was ravenous or something. (That's the right word, right?)
Anyhoo, so I swallowed my meal, and then dashed for a cab to get to the show. The cab guy was trying to make conversation and was taking his time and I was just really anxious to get going. Finally he got the hint, or rather, I told him I was having a hell of a day (not that way, but more or less). But, I got there, and in good time too. I ran upstairs and changed, since I also didn't have time to do that at home (which by the way, my costume ruled).
The show was fabulously freaking amazing (I'd use more adjectives, but you get the idea). I was so proud of my girls and filled with so much love. It was a nice final thing to do in Nanaimo and I'm so glad that it coincided with me leaving. I will miss my girls so much, but I know I will be back soon to perform with them anyway so I am not too worried.
Anyway, all in all it was a good day. A little of everything happened...happy, sad, stressed, relieved...and it all balanced everything out and ended up leaving me in a good mood at the end of it all. I am in a take-on-the-world and kick fear in the face kind of mindset right now. What I freaked out so much about in the past is over. Now I get to do some new terrifying things, only this time it's exciting scary, not horrifying scary.
I feel really good. And despite the fact that I need to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning, I somehow managed to stay up another hour just to blog about what a good mood I'm in. Jeezus, I'm nuts. But in a good way.
Oh, by the way, there's no way in hell I'm taking the time to edit this thing right now, so if it sounds like a bunch of rambling run-on sentences, using the same words over and over again, and just general nonsensicalness, that's why, and I don't care. It gets the message across, and it says what I want it to say.
Attempt to sleep, here I come! And tomorrow....
VAN-FREAKING-COUVER!!!!
OHMYGOD, YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D
Big love to all. If it weren't for all of you crazy-awesome people, I wouldn't be here right now.
xoxoxoxoxo,
Sheeyan <3
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