I need some kind of backup system to help handle the output of all of my feels. Sometimes I wonder how all of this can fit into one person. So much emotional energy crammed into one tiny space. Why is everything always this intense?
***
I wrote those two paragraphs a couple of days ago when I originally intended to start this post, but just couldn't get any more words out because so much was going on inside my head due to various circumstances. Needless to say, there's been a lot going on. But I'm feeling a lot more collected now and so I decided to organize these thoughts so I could let people know what page of my adventure I'm on currently.
I decided I'm going to head back to Canada for a while. This was by no means an easy decision to make. I have been very happy with life in Chile and it saddens me to have to leave, but there were a few things that ultimately led to that decision. Some of this will be a quick recap from my last post.
I originally came here so that I could start working more on my own personal projects. In the time that I've been here, I was really able to take much needed time for myself and finally realized what my next steps needed to be. I had been thinking of taking a music business program for a long time and I finally decided that if I wanted to work on any of the business ideas that I had, that it would probably be necessary to finally bite the bullet and pursue that idea.
In the town that I live in, there's not a whole lot of opportunities for English speakers, and my Spanish is still a ways away from being proficient enough for business purposes. So, my main option would have been to move to Santiago to find work, where there is a much larger expat community. I hesitated on that though, because I already had all my friends in this area, and also I have not yet met a single person who says they like living in the city.
On top of that, even if I went there and got a job, it would mean I'd be in a contract for one or two years likely doing some kind of office job, and it would drastically take away from any time I would have to be creative. I have been working on some music here with a friend and I knew that even if I was able to visit I'd not be able to really focus on what I wanted. One of the main reasons I left Vancouver in the first place was because I was tired of doing the same thing I had been doing for ten years; I really didn't want to continue that pattern here.
"WHAT, YOU WANT A LIFE, TOO? SILLY HUMAN."
So, because of those reasons and just wanting to take care of some things back in Vancouver, I will be leaving this beautiful country in just two short weeks. I've been overwhelmed with things to think about and plan for, but mostly I've been overwhelmed with what I've been feeling. I want to stress that this was a very difficult decision to make. I've made friends here with some of the most genuine, wonderful humans I have ever met, and it really breaks my heart to leave them behind.
This post comes so late because every time I wanted to write something about it I just couldn't think of what to say. I guess I just didn't really want to write out every detail of things I was already going over in my head every day. As you might have noticed, I haven't made many updates during my time here because I really just wanted to live my life without social-media-tizing it. That meant even my close friends didn't often hear much of what I was up to. I kind of prefer it that way...I'd rather share things personally on a one-on-one basis with people who directly express interest, which is what I've been doing instead.
I don't know what the plan is for Canada yet and I don't think I will until I get things underway there. The plan -IS- definitely to come back to Chile as soon as I can, or if everyone I know here has left the country by that time, then I'll make travel plans for some other awesome shenanigans (Sheeyanigans). But even though I know that, it doesn't make leaving now any less difficult. Especially since I know there are a handful of faces I've crossd paths with here whom I might not have a chance of seeing for a long time, or maybe ever again in person. Such is the circumstances of living in a place where transient tourism is the norm. I have met fabulous souls from all over the world, and I hope to see them all again at some point, but the fact just is that I don't know when that may end up being.
A few of those faces, a small few, found themselves places deep in my heart and those are the ones I will definitely be sure to see again and continue raising hell with across the globe. You know who you are, and you can bet on that! I love you guys so much, and I will be writing you all more personal notes in the near future before I go. I'm going to have to have some tissue handy when I start on that one.
One final request for anyone meeting up with me back in Canada. Please do not:
- Feel "relieved" that I am back "home," or think it's better for me to be in Canada for any other ridiculous reason. I may care about you too, but I'm a grown-ass woman and my home is where I make it. I don't intend to stay in Canada for long periods of time from here on out, so please accept that without any small-minded opinions.
- Say dumb things to me, like, "They always come back," or "Life must have been challenging there," "You're probably relieved to be back," "You must have missed it here!" or anything else demonstrating cultural ignorance or a sense of superiority for north american life. Chile has been fucking rad, and yes, I still prefer it here to Canada, regardless of any advantages I may have in the not-so-great-and-not-even-white-North. And remember, I'm an anarchist, so the more you puff your chest about the country you live in (worse, while you make excuses for not wanting to step even your tippy-toe out of it) regardless of the reason, the more unimpressed I'll be and the less I'll want to tell you about any of my adventure.
LIKELY DEPICTION OF WHAT I WILL DO IF YOU IGNORE THIS REQUEST.
I think that should about cover it for now. I'll be trying to post other things as my last weeks unfold here. Until then, I invite you to chat with me personally if you're interested in more of the details of my stories.
Tata for now my sexy friends,
Sheeyan
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment