As you all should know by now, nearly eight months ago I left the eternally grey city of Vancouver to live in the Southern hemisphere in Viña del Mar, Chile. It has been hands down the most amazing experience of my life so far. If you want to read more about how I got here and what I've been up to, please check my last post here wherein I spill all the news and feels thus far.
A few months ago I decided not to stress too much about finding work down here and instead focus more on giving myself time to relax and process for once. That proved very fruitful. By doing so not only was I able to feel instantly better physically, mentally and emotionally, but also slowly but surely plans and ideas started to form inside my head naturally without trying to force anything.
The more time I spent, the more I was able to realize things I wanted for myself. I always used to worry about long term goals and would stress immensely about what short term plans I would need to carry out in order to get myself there and would always hit a wall when I realized that not only did I have no idea how to get there, but I had no clear idea of where I even wanted to go in the first place.
ME VERSUS MY BRAIN ON A REGULAR BASIS.
Over these past few months, I have discovered a few new things I definitely know I want to do now:
1) Work toward fluency in Spanish
2) Visit more of South America
3) Travel more in general
4) Pursue formal music education
5) Find some kind of work I don't mind that I can do from anywhere, or at least something I can do for a few months to alternate working in one place and travelling in another.
To elaborate on that fourth one. My main goal in leaving Vancouver was to start working on a way to support myself with artistic endeavours rather than the world of retail and service that I knew was slowly killing me. I have come up with several different thoughts on business ideas, but realized I can't really pursue most of them with a lack of a network and team, and specifically, industry skills.
Wanting a way to facilitate my own art and put myself ahead of the curve, I started thinking about pursuing a path of studying music business or production, which I have been seriously looking into recently. If I were to do that, I would have to go back and spend a lot of time (at least a year) in Vancouver.
The problem?
I fucking love this place now. I've felt so refreshed by my life in Chile. I've made some of the most meaningful friendships I've ever had since being here. I even have a solid band project for the first time in my life. Those that know me well know that one thing has always been at the top of the list for my personal goals. It would be very hard for me to have to leave all of this. Just the thought alone really depresses me.
There aren't too many options for English speakers in the region I live in, so I've considered going to Santiago, which is generally where most expats congregate for the same reasons. It's less than two hours away and I could still visit my friends here from there. The thing is, anything I would find for work would likely be some kind of office or service job.
I FEEL THAT THIS PHOTO IS PRETTY SELF-EXPLANATORY HERE.
I guess what I'm dealing with right now is just the dilemma of staying or going, and this is why I wanted to write this out for you guys. Either way I need to figure out a work situation soon, but I'm resisting making a decision because I love what I have here even though there are things I'll have to take care of in Vancouver at some point.
So much has happened in the past several months and it feels like it's been several years. I've grown and discovered more of myself, more about what I need to do in life. I don't really have much desire for North American life anymore...I mean really, what I do miss is the people, and not much else. Well, maybe some of the food. ;)
I'm writing this because I'm stalling. I tend to get indecisive for things like this, and the biggest reason is the people that I love here. Since I've been down here I've had to say several pretty big goodbyes to many people that mean a lot to me as they go home and/or continue on their own journey. I realized the other day that there are many faces I have had the pleasure of meeting while being here that I may never get to see in person ever again.
I have a feeling that just being overwhelmed by all of this is clouding my judgment. I know there are probably a bunch of more options that I haven't even thought of yet. This is where you, all of those whom I care about come in. See, sometimes I forget to listen to what I've been telling myself until someone else reminds me of what's been in the back of my mind the entire time. So tell me...what have I not seen yet? Or what am I not remembering?
KITTIES: THE CAUSE OF AND SOLUTION TO ALL OF MY DISTRACTION.
